The Beach Boys and Social Media

My husband and I went to the Beach Boys concert at Red Rocks. We marinated in history, irony and incredibly good musical talents. As I listened to songs like "Be True To Your School" and "Little Surfer Girl", I couldn't help but reflect on the innocence of that era. Having a crush, "dating" in the true sense of the word, meeting the parents of your soon-to-be wife or husband....it all happened in such a traditional way. Growing up in small towns, trusting your neighbors, having a close group of friends at school. Bullying back then meant a punch in the face or a bad rumor, it didn't include nasty Facebook messages and posts on Instagram that are written for all the world to see. It didn't include photos that show the follower what parties she is missing, or the trip he was excluded from.
Times have changed dramatically, and as parents, we have to change with them to help our children navigate through a life riddled with social media.
The advice I give myself to tackle this challenge:
1) Open up dialog with your child. However that looks in your family, any dialog is good dialog. Get them to share their feelings, circumstances and experiences. Listening is so valuable, and can not inly help you understand what they are going through, but can help your child feel they have a safe place to go.
2) Slow down. Don't judge, or jump to conclusions. I always do this and have to bite my lip. I immediately assume I know how something went down, whose fault it is and, biggest mistake, how to fix it! STOP- take time to listen. Take time to let the situation calm down before making decisions about how to proceed with helping your kids.
3) Make sure your child understands social media. Here is what I mean by this; kids are all different. Some mature faster than others. Social media is a very powerful tool, and just like driving a car, there should be lessons on using it.
Obvious guidelines may not obvious to teens:
*What you post will be there for all to see, and for a very long time. Posts can be used against you, they can be dangerous and hurtful. Posts should only be written if you would feel comfortable showing your grandmother. I love that rule!
*What you SEE isn't always the truth (and actually rarely is!). To look over someone's social media pages and think their life is perfect and yours isn't is ridiculous. Many pre-teens and teens fall into this trap (and adults too!). Always remember that most people (not all, but most) post only perfect images that show images of perfection, but they, too, have their own demons. Social media does not represent real life. It can be very scary for young people to see this and compare their life to the apparent lives of their peers.
*Think about others when you post. Think about how your post may make others feel- is it inclusive or exclusive? Are you sharing something that may hurt someones feelings? It can be very valuable to put yourself in others shoes.

I am still working on navigating this, bother personally and with my children. I enjoy the memory of the Beach Boy's era, but also know our era can be equally special if managed properly.

Your Saddest Child

The last two years have gone by in what seems like a moment.
I have about 9 "drafts" of posts for Life's Cupcakes that I have wanted to finish.

I felt a strong pull to the computer to enter in a post today about being happy.
Happiness is a big topic these days, with articles flooding the New York Times, books on the front tables at Barnes and Noble: The Happiness Project, How to Achieve REAL Happiness (as opposed to fake happiness I guess?) and advice offered all around. There is even a "happiness index" some communities are using. Idealistic? Maybe.
I will just pick a part of this grand topic...the happiness of our children and how it affects us as parents. Its been a topic of conversation in our home recently, and I have a story to offer.

YOU ARE ONLY AS HAPPY AS YOUR SADDEST CHILD
Have you heard that expression? Someone mentioned it to me once, years ago, and it went in one ear and out the other. "Sure" I thought..."If you don't have a life!" Laughing inside, I heard these words and paid them very little attention. I am now surprised with the accuracy that expression holds.

Our oldest daughter is in middle school. It's been difficult for her. OK, who am I kidding, middle school can just suck for so many...but it is true that its harder for some more than others. Most girls go through difficulty in these grades that can be based around any number of topics: friendships, boys, body image, confidence issues, sports, pressure, grades...you name it (and I should say boys, too! I had a dear friend tell me recently her son was bullied and had a very hard middle school time).  The challenges can be heavier than the backpacks they carry across campus, filled with books and assignments for the week. Parents help them load those backpacks with their finished homework, notes, signed permission sheets, checks for field trips, water bottles and even a healthy snack. All of these things ironically weigh down the pack even more, but we think the extra weight is helping move this child forward in life.

For our daughter, the hardest part for her right now is learning what the word "friend" means, and how it can mean something different to everyone. With the growing addiction of communicating through technology, it can be so painful...as she reviews Instagram posts of things she wasn't invited to, wasn't thought of, left out of. Just today it was all of her "friends" in a photo, but not her. All posting to each other...not her. She even posted "I am sad I wasn't in that photo"...no reply.

Halloween is coming...the time of year we used to love. When our children were young we looked forward to the treats, costumes, scary stories...As our family grew we made sure to start traditions of including friends and their children to our home to enjoy the festivities. Somehow the innocence and joy of costumes and candy has taken a shift, and in middle school, if you are not a part of the costume "group" it can be devastating, to the point of wanting to cancel Halloween.

YOU ARE ONLY AS HAPPY AS YOUR SADDEST CHILD
"Mom, what do I DO? Im so sad and no one wants me in their costume group"
"Well, have you told them that you feel left out? Surely your "friends" will understand and reach out"

YOU ARE ONLY AS HAPPY AS YOUR SADDEST CHILD
"MOM! I asked all of them and they all, separately, said NO."
"Hmmm...well, how does that make you feel?"
"AWFUL mom! DUH!"
"I am so glad you are experiencing this so that if it is ever reversed you will know how to be inclusive"
"Mom, that doesn't help me now!?"
"You are right, but there is nothing I can do to help you other than tell you that this shall pass.
It WILL be OK and you need to be strong"
stay out of it mom. Don't load that backpack up with more heavy books!

YOU ARE ONLY AS HAPPY AS YOUR SADDEST CHILD
Ouch. There is a lesson here, right?
Actually, what we have discovered is, there are so many wonderful lessons.
My husband and I talk about how we are learning through their issues just as much as they are.
There is an amount of "parental help" our children need, deserve and crave, and there is an amount that is just too much. That backpack has to be just the right weight to balance them.
*note: When someone finds the right ratio for each situation, could you let me know?
Its ok to feel our children's pain, but we cannot (and should not) take it away.
Teach our children independence so if they have to stand there alone, they feel confident that they are ok by themselves.
Our child can learn how to treat others by their own experiences. How inclusion is better than exclusion.

We have a younger daughter, too. She is just a few years away from middle school. Today she came home and told us that someone in her class was excluded from a sleepover and it made her very sad. She said she wanted to ask her to a playdate soon to make her feel better. Maybe she is watching her older sister's heartache, and becoming the person she wishes would surround and support her sister.

Here's to happy children...happy, supported and included children. I know one thing, our middle school daughter probably wont ever leave anyone out. She knows how painful it can be.

The Best Smoothie Ive Ever Had

Simple post: smoothie recipe. I am really into making smoothies for my family. My oldest daughter refuses to eat anything for breakfast that you actually have to pick up and chew. She is my smoothie inspiration. The best one yet, with the most bang for your buck as far as nutrients. GREENIE (as we call it).
Mix in blender:
1. Handful of green grapes (you can freeze them and keep them for a long time to use whenever!)
2. Handful of fresh spinach leaves (and yes, they blend up quite nicely in a typical blender)
3. Some coconut water
4. A little milk (or just use coconut milk if you have it)
YUM. Good and good for you, as my father says. ENJOY.

Teenage memories and realities

Today is a day filled with ironies.

My 10 year old daughter is going to her first, school “dinner and dance” tonight for 5^th graders. She has her clothes picked out and a friend coming over to prepare with her. What fun. Memories come flooding back for me. It’s an awkward age, filled with all kinds of firsts, new feelings, experiences, changes, pressures and fun.

Today is also the day I am scheduled to go get braces put on my lower teeth. For those that haven’t read my post from last summer, my daughter and I visited the ortho together last year, with the intention of getting her teeth analyzed and possible BRACED. Well, turns out I am the one that needs them.

SO as I watch my daughter and her friend head off tonight to a wonderful new pre-teen experience, my smile will be filled with a mouthful of teenage memories, literally.

We had no snow over the holidays here in Boulder, but today made up for it. What a view from my back deck. How did I get so lucky?

The Most Difficult Job There Is

"Being a stay-at-home mom is one of the most difficult and important jobs there is."

It's a true sentence, but how many people really believe that?

I am not sure I relate to the phrase *stay-at-home-mom*.
There is not much staying-at-home involved. Most of the time we are taxi drivers, errand runners, delivery people, schedule coordinators, activity transporters, cleaners and Sherpas.
Stay-at-home...lets re-title that for this blog entry. I like Domestic Engineer, but I will simplify it to Full Time Mom.

"Being a full time mom is the most difficult and important jobs there is."

Cliche, but true.
We (Full Time Moms) should know it, but every so often its important to be reminded. To be given reassurance. To be commended. There are no tangible trophies, no cash bonuses, no paid company vacations, and no promotions. Mothering is not conducive to fun cocktail conversation offering bragging rights about the cool thing that happened at our job that day, and, ironically, when you brag about your children and family it seems so pompous.

So our job review and advancement occurs when our children look at us and get it. When they show love, when they act with respect, when they hug for no reason and forgive a mean friend. When they hold a door open and walk the dog without being asked. When they share with us their pains and glories. When they come home and talk about stresses they are trying to understand.
Our bonus comes when someone tells us that being a mom is "the most important job there is" and really means it.

I was at a Holiday party last month and saw an acquaintance. She has one very young (3 years old) child and one school-aged. We asked the typical holiday-party questions, "How is your break?" "What are you doing with the kids for New Years to celebrate?" etc.

Then...she asked me "What are you doing with your time these days?"

My response...brace yourself..."I am still a stay-at-home mom."

Her response…brace yourself… "But your kids are in school all day!"

Pause, breathe, and answer with sincerity I thought to myself.

I began to answer, “It is still a lot to handle without help…” She interrupted me to say, “How long are they gone… isn’t it all day?”

I felt as though I was failing a math exam. She was calculating the time I spent on chores and subtracting it from my day without the children. Her thoughts were almost audible, an hour for laundry, an hour for groceries…where does the time go?

I became defensive…NOT a good cocktail party response.
I could feel the blood rush to my face, not out of embarrassment (well, maybe a little) but out of sheer frustration with her question.

I thought, how could she not get it? She is one of us…a Full Time Mom.

Wait...that’s right...she still has a little one at home all day, so she is struggling to qualify my job as a stay-at-home-mom with THREE children that are in school.

I took it upon myself to help her understand.
I began walking her through my days.

“Normally by the time I clean up breakfast and start the dishwasher, the dogs need their walk. If I have the time, I do a workout for myself. I come back to load some laundry, I answer emails and calls for a while, ranging from room-parent issues to scheduling for the kids to friends asking how I am, then I start to straighten up. After getting slightly sucked into a few projects such as the closet that has been holding 20 years of junk, I head to the office to pay bills, call the cable company because of the bad reception, fix the light bulb that is out and fight for a cheaper car insurance. Back to switch the laundry again, then out to the grocery store and any errands I have (normally a list for the kids a mile long). I get home in time to walk the dogs once more, feed the cats, empty that dishwasher from the morning, start thinking about dinner, research bullying on the Internet to help my child through a school issue, figure out why the cat threw up on the carpet and head to the bus stop.”

Her eyes glazed over with a coating similar to one on top of the best doughnut I've eaten. Was she getting it or just too kind to tell me how bored I've made her?

We smiled and ended the conversation amicably (although she didn’t come back to chat more).

Many people, even women with young kids, have trouble understanding how someone could be completely fulfilled by JUST being a mother.

There are books written about depression that can be caused by the monotony of all the daily things Full Time Mothers do, but there are few books written on the pleasure it brings.

One of my dearest friends had us over for dinner and said, looking me straight in the eye, “But what are you doing for YOU?”

Can’t she see that this IS for me?

I could start to second-guess the validity of complete gratification I receive from being a Full Time Mom because of societies expectation to have us do more.

Before I was a mother I worked 60-hour weeks for over 10 years as a VP of Sales to an entrepreneurial manufacturing company. I travelled, attended trade shows all over the country and in Europe and was rarely home.

I worked through my first child’s baby years and until I was pregnant with the twins. I loved it.

Now I love this.

Until last year, I was on the board of my children’s school for 3 years, chairing it one year.

This is my first year without any other major commitment other than my home and family.

Does having something else on the side make being a Full Time Mom more valid?

Let me go on record saying that one does not need to be a Full Time Mom to be a good mom. Actually, some of the best mothers I know hold full times jobs. Some do it because they have to and some do it because they want to. Working makes them better mothers. I am in awe, but not envious. I wouldn’t trade that for anything in the world (except maybe 2 weeks paid vacation and a holiday bonus).

Right now I have the opportunity to focus on my children and my home.

It may not always be like this. I may want something different one day. I may need to go back to work for financial or emotional reasons, but right now this is who and what I am.

Although I have moments when being a Full Time Mom seems like too much… and too little at the same time, I still feel fortunate.

Fortunate to be involved in what happens in their classroom.

Fortunate to there for every report, play and presentation.

Fortunate to have created a loving home for them, offering stability and security in their lives.

I feel lucky to have bragging rights about my life as a mother.

A Full Time Mother.

"Being a Full Time Mom is the most difficult and important jobs there is."

And sometimes I can even have time to sneak in some writing!

Laundry is calling. GTG!

PS: Praise to Full Time Dad's too!

The lesson for this post is to BREATHE.

This to shall end and things will not remain this intense all the time.

I woke one morning to a very sick guinea pig. The poor thing looked like it had been through the washing machine spin cycle; hair matted up, eyes wet and puffy, moving slowly. I told the kids that that Guinea-Gin (that was the name that stuck for this poor animal) was sick. My oldest asked why I wasn't taking it to the vet.

So let me rewind life about 2 years to explain that one.

We have a rabbit that is in a hutch out back. He is a cute, little, brown rabbit. A kind of wild-looking rabbit, like the ones you would see living outside in your garden in the spring. My husband built the hutch and, as far as hutches go, its like a upscale condo with multiple rooms. One day I was packing up to go to the mountains for the weekend with the kids and I went outside to load up our rabbit, "Whiskers" with food and water. Whiskers looked at me and stood up on its hind legs. As it did, one front leg was there and the other was GONE! A bone stuck out where the little rabbits foot should have been. I screamed and instinctively took him to the vet, where they treated Whiskers for 48 hours, cleaned him up and performed surgery. They saved him! That little rabbit made it through. When I brought him home days later and shared this story with the family, my kids thought I was a hero, and my husband thought I was an idiot. "How much did that cost, babe?" he asked. I was afraid to answer. It was getting close to my birthday, so I said "It'll be my birthday gift! A healthy rabbit!" $800 later I swore to Skip I would never take a rodent or small animal like that to the vet again.

Well, it was Guinea's turn and unfortunately for Guinea-Gin, I kept my word to Skip.

I was nursing this little Guinea with an eye dropper, trying to get him to take food. I was in my nightgown, getting the kids ready for school. As they left I held him, wondering how long he would last like this. As I was getting ready to wash him in the laundry room sink (he had gotten pretty smelly), the doorbell rang. It was the landscapers coming to turn off our water for fall. I still wasn't dressed.

"Come on in" I said, in my nightgown, holding a dying guinea... in a washcloth. I let them into the basement where they proceed to work on the sprinklers.
I finally found a moment to run up and change, and I hear my husband scream "BABE! There is a flood! What are you doing!?" I composed myself as best as I could (still not dressed), put on a robe and ran back downstairs to see water all over the kitchen, bathroom and laundry room floor. It was leaking down into the basement. Oh yeah, I was planning to wash Guinea and I left the laundry sink filling. Well, there you have it. It was quite a morning in the Miller house. I called my friend Jen to share my story and started laughing so hard I was crying.

"Are you laughing or crying?" she asked, sincerely.

"I think a little of both"

BREATHE- I thought. Just breathe.

Guinea-Gin finally died the next day, fairly peacefully (and with no vet bill). The kids cried, we had a funeral, the sprinklers are shut down, the water is dried and cleaned up from the "flood", and guess what?

Our three-legged rabbit is still going strong.

Death

The friend that was so sick has died. This morning, actually. I will miss her terribly, as will so many. A wonderful woman in so many ways. Today is a sad day.

Her best friend sent an email today announcing her passing. Its ended with something Marsha would say..."Cancer Smancher, let's dance and decorate". A life cupcake for sure.

Dogs and Decades

Like so many couples, my husband, Skip, and I adopted a Golden Retriever puppy before we had any children. Before marriage. Before we knew what responsibility really meant. Boomer was our first baby, and like all new babies, quickly became one of the most important things in our lives. Skip flies model airplanes in a big way (more on that later). Boomer loved to watch Skip fly his planes at the soccer field, barking and circling on the ground, tracking the plane until Skip would land, at which time Boomer (all 100 lbs of him) would come barrelling up to the fragile plane... about to grab it and bring it back to us like a tennis ball. Skip would yell "OFF" and Boomer eventually learned to halt before biting the fuselage. If Skip ever lost site of his plane in the air, he knew all he had to do was look at Boomer to get an idea of where it was. It ended up being the method we used for exercising Boomer. I would say to Skip, "can you go fly the dog?"

Eventually Boomer's eyes started to fail, his muscles began to hurt and he grew older. The chasing of the planes stopped.

Boomer lived for 14 years and we finally had to put him down last winter. He came into our lives pre-children. He left our lives a decade and a half later. When I held him as the vet put him to sleep, it was as if I was watching a video of the last 15 years of my life. Memories flooded my head...marriage, the birth of all three of our children, building our house, potty training, starting school, changing careers, travel, surgeries, illnesses, new friends, old friends, family. Boomer was there through so much, and then he was gone.

7 moths later, we brought home a new Golden puppy and named him BEAU. He is the new photo album with lots of unfilled pages, unwritten memories of the many years of life ahead.

Our children, now 6, 6 and 10, will have this new dog there through another decade of changes. Growing up to adults, changing schools, jobs, girlfriends and boyfriends, tears and laughter.

How many of these incredibly memorable dogs do we get to have in our lifetime? 2? 3? It gives me a sense of life's rapid pace.

Our daughter Grace comes home from school everyday and screams "Beau! Oh Beau, how Ive missed you today", wrapping her arms around his head and holding him on the floor. What a wonderful thing...for both the dog and the child.

Illness

I just found out that a friend is dying.

She has accepted Hospice into her home to help her with the transition.

About 12 years ago she developed breast cancer. I remember so well what she called "the fight of her life".

She had been working with us and left the company to manage her health. She reported back to us about her time in the hospital, her chemotherapy experiences, her surgeries and her new found outlook on life. She told me about a book called "Home Safe Home" that talks about the toxins in almost everything we use. She told me about her newly shaped body and how it felt after a double mastectomy. She would giggle and say her figure after reconstruction was better than it was before the surgery.

She has always had an incredibly positive outlook on everything, and is one of those people that sparkles as she walks through a room. Her glow and laugh is infectious.

After her recovery from breast cancer, she went on to continue to raise her two teenaged sons, and started a non profit that has now grown into a significant change agent and resource in our community. She never stopped, never looked back and continued to help others after she had helped herself through that illness.

The cancer came back. She has been fighting again for about a year. During the most recent fight, she received a community award for her past and continued participating in so many community organizations. She stood up and gave a speech like no other, beautifully poised, well spoken and dressed in her typical ultra-classy style. She shined... all 80 pounds of her frail, struggling body just glowed.

Our world is a better place because she is in it, and it will be a lesser place when she is gone. I will miss her. I will try to remember to think the way she thinks, to make positive change whenever possible and to smile through adversity. What a legacy.

Bites

From Boulder, we drove up highway 77 through Nebraska, passing fields of corn like we had never seen. Living in Colorado we thought we live

d in the middle of farmlands, horses, corn fields, peach stands, farms with squash and pumpkins as far as the eye can see...but Nebraska wins the prize for most acreage without trees, lots of sun, and a lot...A LOT of corn.

It's amazing that this expansive lake (100 miles of shoreline!) with white sand exists in the middle of Nebraska. We turned a corner in our 36 foot RV and caught our first glimpse of the beautiful body of water. It was so hot that we imagined we could hear the lake yelling "come in Millers! It will feel so good to swim".

Found a wonderful campsite in the state park campgrounds, right next to the water. Skip hadn't even parked the RV before the kids were getting suits, towels and bug catchers.

After 2 days, 3 frogs, 7 card games, 1 boat rental, 15 different bugs in the bug catchers, 2 fabulous dinners cooked on the grill, a few short bike rides a lots of swimming, we went to bed feeling pretty relaxed and happy. Then, the

y came. And they came in spades. I could hear one of them buzzing over my ear at about 1am ... mosquitoes. The love me, hate my husband. We had been bitten a little throughout the last 2 days, being near water, but nothing outrageous.

I swatted at the one buzzing in my ear. Then I felt the itching over my eye. Maybe 20 minutes of swatting and itching in the dark, half asleep, i realized i couldn't open my eye. I went to the bathroom to see what was happening to my face. The light was left on in the bathroom for the kids as a pseudo night-light, so i could easily find my way in there. As I closed the door and looked in

the mirror, i viewed the damage that had been done. My eye had been bitten, maybe 3 times, and was swollen closed.

Cursing the mosquitoes, I caught a glimpse of lots of movement from the shower stall. As I opened the door to see what was in there, I saw a commune of them. They had built apartments, garages, even a city hall. There were probably 60 (no joke) all hovering in the shower to find the light. I took our swatter and stared hitting them. I knew it was kill or be killed. They was no way they would get out of the RV, so if i didn't get them i was a goner.

i swatted and swatted until it was mosquito carnage. I stood in that bathroom for probably 35 minutes. My 10 year old came in at one point and asked "mom...what is that smacking noise?" "go to bed honey. I'm just killing mosquitoes". She didn't even blink. turned around and went back to bed like it was just another typical night. I was in the heat of battle! There were about 20 left. I waited, hiding, until they thought I was gone...then they would start to move and...SWAT! Waited longer, SWAT. I literally waited, until they were all dead.

I came back to bed and did the classic, "Skip, you up?" no response. "Skip...You AWAKE babe?"

no response. "BABE. I was totally attacked by mosquitoes and we need to leave tomorrow! Can we talk?" I retold the story of the mo

squito battle, down to every last detail, including even the story of the little baby-sized bugs that thought they could get away. "Babe, so can we leave tomorrow?" he said "Lets talk about it in the morning" "But BABE! I am one-eyed and itchy and its just gunna get worse!" ...silence. I waited for some comforting words form my husband that would reassure me that they wouldn't be there in the morning, that we would leave, that somehow it would all be OK. Was he asleep again? Then, I hear something...its him! Here it comes! "Babe" he says "yes?" "Do you know where the IZZY sodas are?" WHAAAT? I thought...Is he kidding? WHO can think of a soda at 2am with mosquitos loose all over the RV!?

Well, we left first thing in the morning. I was a happy, itchy person headed to the cooler tempatures of South Dakota, where there are NO mosquitoes.

Are frogs dirty?

My son, actually, all three kids, were fascinated with how the waste got emptied from the RV. After a few days camping we stopped to empty the infamous Black Tank. All went well. My husband did it flawlessly with almost no gross factor (although...just the concept puts it on some level of gross factor). He got out the tubes, the kids watched with big eyes as he hooked it up and drained the YUCK from the bus. THEN…when we were all done, getting back into the bus to head to our next destination, my son spots a frog. Not an ordinary frog....one that lives in the intake tube of the septic drain. As we are all loading back into the RV I spot him out the window, about to actually PICK IT UP with his hands to hold and potentially cuddle this disgusting creature. It was in slow motion as I screamed NOOOOOOO!!! So innocent, he just wanted the frog, but it could have been so extremely disgusting. My son still sucks his thumb...imagine how that plays out. EWWWW. Luckily he heard me and left that little shit-eating frog all alone.

Dirty Laundry

There is a tom petty song called free falling- and a line in it says “ I'm gunna leave this world for a while”. That is what we have done on this adventure. It took us (me) about 24 hours to relax into this style of travel (RV) that I have always made fun of, because I have never understood it. As I look across the tree-used-as-a-clothesline I set up, I laugh so hard. The items on the line tell the story. Underpants hanging there from an afternoon swim, a forgotten bathing suit, towels, and my husband’s shirt wet from diving in after a hurt child. Each piece of clothes drying has its own paragraph of adventure. It hangs behind our picnic-style dinner table, and doesn’t bother me in the least. Motor boats and jet skiers in the background, and some very interesting folks from all parts of America…its all part of this journey in reaffirming what is really important. My children fought like bad business partners the first day. Now they are helping each other. My older daughter helped my youngest after she was bitten by a spider, walking her back to the campsite. A week ago it would have been eyes rolling. We are happy today.

Priority and RV Preparation

It has been 8 months since my last post. The first thing that went through my head when I saw how long its been was a flash of guilt. Then came the thought that somehow I have mismanaged my priorities. Then I took a breath. People say "Wow, three kids under 10, you are a busy mom" and the first thing out of my mouth is always some sort of challenge to that comment, like "NOOO, its wonderful." or "They are really good kids...and here are all the OTHER things I am doing...." Well, I am now here to formally agree that I am a busy MOM, and don't have to be much else for right now. I can (and should) just focus on this wonderful time in my children's life (and an equally wonderful time in my life).

Today we are picking up our 36 foot RV and taking the kids on one last summer adventure. Its not the kind of RV you see driving around, possibly parked in neighbors yard year round. Its the kind from that show where they say "bus driver...MOVE THAT BUS" kind of RV. The one that drives 15 miles an hour up and over the mountain pass while you are swearing at it from behind as it happily clogs up the highway. You look over at it as you finally pass and the family inside is happily playing games, singing and laughing and you think "what the hell could be so funny that they don't even realize they are stopping up traffic?" Well, thats us ...starting tonight.

We have never done this and are not particularly fond of camping, but have heard wonderful things about an RV family experience! The preparation has been long and detailed:

-Costco runs for food and supplies

-Meal planning "yuck! don't make salmon" and "I will only eat mac and cheese" "mac and cheese on a camping trip? grace that's crazy" "OK mom, ill eat pasta with Parmesan". Nice compromise.

-Organizing sheets, towels and bedding for 5- including all the favorite blankets and snugglies.

-Plans for the cats, dog, rabbit, hermit crabs and guinea pig while we are gone

-Mapping the drive and the stops, including the request to stop at every state border so the kids can stand in 2 states at once.

-Pumping bike tires, sorting fishing gear, finding the favorite goggles and remembering each little pair of hiking boots.

-Oh, packing MOM's things (I almost forgot).

The front of my house looks like we are moving, with the piles of gear and food awaiting the bus' arrival by the front door.

The kids are jumping out of their skin with excitement. They were drawing the other day and while the twins drew pictures of monsters and kittens, my older daughter, Maggie, drew an amazingly detailed picture of an RV.

"How much longer until we can pick up the RV" has been asked 3x this morning and its only 7:30 am.

Our friends, the Centeno's, are coming over with their three kids to see this thing transition from a bus to our home for 6 days, and to giggle a little as they wave, supportingly, while we drive away.

I will continue this post when we have more RV stories. Right now I am excited about being a full-time mom.

Life changing soccer

My 10 year old daughter's first day of soccer practice was today. When I say first day, I literally mean first day. She has never played in her life.

I drove her after school and watched, as she sat in the back of the hot car, digging through the bag of soccer gear I had packed looking for the right thing to wear. Maggie is joining a team that has been undefeated for 4 years. They have played together, known each other and have been familiar with the game since they were all quite small. There was an opening, her friend is on the team, and she is interested.

As shorts, socks and cleats were flying around the car, I could feel her stress, her nervousness and her anxiety. "Mom! You didn't pack my black shorts! These red ones are too loose and they show my underwear!" Don't take it personally, I said to myself. "Mom! where are the black socks?" She is just nervous. Its not about the clothes, I reminded myself.

I tried to breathe through my own anxiety, and help her find things she would be comfortable in. She looked out the car window for what seemed like an eternity, analyzing what the other girls had on, to help her make a decision.

She worried that her cleats were too tight. She worried she would be cold. Then hot. Then cold.

She finally got dressed and was ready to face the team. We walked out to the field to meet the coach and the other players. She timidly introduced herself. "Hi" she said quietly. "I am Maggie Miller."

A very tough looking girl, smiling a big, earnest smile, looked at her and said "are you a righty or a lefty?"

"I think I am a righty?" Maggie replied, slightly confused.

"Cool! We have 2 lefty's already on the team. And you are a righty! Perfect! What do you want your nickname to be? Maggie Miller...hmmm...how about Double M!"

Maggie just sort of nodded and took it all in.

"Maggie, want to do a lap with us?"

"No thanks." she replied, honestly, standing next to me as if there was a chain tethering us together.

I finally had to leave and said goodbye. "She will be fine" I thought. "She will get clobbered" I thought. "She will be discouraged when she gets home" I thought. "But, she will be fine" I thought.

Maggie arrived home with a smile. I didn't need to ask. "Double M" had done it.

Friends

We all want friends, we all need friends. Friends offer a shoulder to cry on, a smile that lights our day, a laugh to share or a battle to conclude. Friends offer perspective, balance and sometimes, realism. One of my daughters (who is still under 10) is going through what most women remember as friendship growing pains. Trying to figure out who is right, who is wrong, why we like someone and not others and why the ones we like may not like us. Girls can be tough, and I remember it with pain.
We had a Halloween party for our children last weekend, including their friends and parents. It turned out to be a blast, that is until "the girl" walked in. A "friend" (if that's what you would call it) of my daughters she was hoping would come. She came 2 hours late. She missed trick or treating (and we had mistakenly waited for her). She came with 2 friends of her own. She walked in like she owned the place, gave my daughter a once over and proceeded to walk right past her and headed outside. I couldn't believe it! As a 41 year old adult woman, I was offended, trying only to imagine how a little girl would feel as the recipient of that kind of glare and nasty energy. Luckily, what I am learning is that my daughter is stronger than me and smarter than me. Oh, she definitely was appalled at the look she got, but brushed it off and played with her friends that had been there all night.
I was bothered on so many levels, bothered by the little girl's behavior, bothered by the fact that the parents (whom we know, well!) would allow this little 10 year old to be so rude, but my daughter knows why. She knows that its the other girls issue, not hers. She knows that no matter what she does, this girl wont change. So my daughter smiles through it (and sometimes cries through it), but with a sense of solid, inner strength.
As I dropped her off at school this morning, the other girl walked in with her mother. It took my all to not scream "you are so rude!". As I felt the bubbling volcano of anger start to erupt inside, I looked at my daughter who was smiling and putting her backpack away. She was happy. She was innocent. She didn't care, so why should I. We move along each day thinking we are teaching our children, but if we look carefully we will see that many times, it is our children that are teaching us.

Fever- H1N1

Its been a while since i have written...

I am back on it, but tonight i have just one entry. it isnt very humorous either (sorry).

Heath Care: as a momma of 3 young ones, i went into the urgent care today with my oldest (9)and my assumption was she has the flu. it was interesting to listen to the doctor tell me his advice

"does she have H1N1" i asked, fearful?

"Probably" he replied.
"what?!" I was so afraid, with all I have read and heard about the dreaded Swine Flu

"but its just the flu." he went on

" the way it gets out of hand is when it isnt diagnosed, isnt watched, the patient is pushed to go about living their lives without rest and it turns into pneumonia"

"well that wont happen because i would see if she got really sick" i answered

"exactly" my doctor said. "its not you or your daughter i am worried about. its the patients that dont have the time, or support, to worry about their heath care that are at risk of serious ramifications from H1N1"

I left there feeling really good about the care i give to maggie as a mom, and really badly about the care so many are missing. about those moms and dads that are gone all day, because they dont have a choice. they work all day to come home to yet another flu. "just let them sleep" they must think. i would think that too. If i was tired, at the end of a long day, wanted to come home and be with my family, i would hope rest would cure my child, but it’s not that easy, and the change can happen quickly in kids.
I was told that maggie is at risk for getting pnemoinia. I came home and fed her, took her temp, gave her a bath and put her to bed. and at bedtime, the fever rose again. Pneumonia? Could it be? But I am completely attentive and involved! I have good heath insurance! How could this happen to me? Makes me realize how critical BASIC heath care is for ALL American families. Or we have no chance.

So for those of you out there that DO work full time, that DONT have a health care plan that makes it simple to go see a doctor for that flu, please hear this. First, we are fighting for you. We want to help make it easier by rallying our local government support team and by voting for ways to promote universal heath care. Second: Take a piece of paper and make notes: notate when the fever started, how high it gets and for how long, and pay attention to your health and your children’s health. The flu can be just that, THE FLU, but it can also turn deadly if it isn’t watched. its like anything else in life: Ignore it, and it probably wont go away, it will probably only get bigger.

Be careful & stay healthy

Braces

My 6 year old twins went to their summer camp today with their best buddy, Ben Centeno. This leaves me and my 9 year old daughter alone for the day...what a treat! Other than our first orthodontics appointment, I had a fun morning all ORGANIZED (what a surprise). Our dog, Ginger, even woke with a very severe ear pain, but we seemed to fit that into our morning too. First, off to the vet with Ginger. She was anesthetized, got the pricker out of her ear, Maggie cried, we moved on. Out in 30 minutes. Then off to get our nails done for the first time in quite a while! Then a quick lunch, groceries, 2 other stops and off to the Orthodontist. The entire morning was filled with "OK, will I have to get braces?" "Maggie, we wont know a thing until we get there. This is just a preliminary meeting". "OK. but will it hurt?". "Maggie, IF you need braces, it wont hurt" "OK, but is it like a cavity?" No response from mom. "Do I get to pick colors?" No response from mom "Is it quick or long?" no response from mom "Is it like a tapping on my tooth or a really heavy pushing?" "SWEETHEART...i have NO IDEA if you even need braces! Lets just wait and see!" "OK mom".........silence.........."But does it hurt?"

So we arrive in the orthodontist office. Maggie's eyes are HUGE, and even the lady at the front desk says "oh, are you a little nervous sweetheart? no need. nothing will happen today".

We got called into the back and the assistant (a very sweet woman) told us today is just pictures of our teeth and a consultation with the doctor. I asked if I could have my teeth photographed too- as a have a little crowding in the lower front of my mouth. I also thought that would help Maggie to have mommy do it. We both had pictures. The doctor came in and spoke to Maggie first "well, Maggie your bite is beautiful! you really can see how well you brush, Your gums look very healthy" She smiled. "your bite is really well aligned and your teeth are all coming in perfectly. Lets meet again in 1 year". "wait! so i don't need braces" Maggie said. "no, not now" Maggie looked completely let down. Deep inside, i think she really wanted them. "lets look at your moms photos now" said the doctor. "Elise, your bottom teeth are quite crowded and its only going to get worse". You have got to be joking, i thought. "A retainer may take care of 60% of your problem, but you would have to wear it all day and all night, AND, no guarantee it will really resolve your issue. My recommendation is that you need a full set of braces to really correct this bite issue and straighten those bottom teeth so they dont cause any further problems". No way. Is this a joke? I need braces and my kid doesn't? Maggie looked thrilled. "MOM! how cool! You get braces!" ugh.

"Mags, i really don't know if i will get them. I am an adult and its awkward for an adult to wear braces". that began the lecture. I opened myself up for it. "Mom! How could you tell me that braces would be fine and not to worry, but when YOU need them its awkward? uncomfortable? c'mon mom, that's just not fair". She was right. Again, corrected by a 9 year old. So, mom is getting braces and Maggie isn't. 

It gets better. When my dad called this morning, I told him the ironic twist to the braces expedition. He said "I had to have braces when I was 40 too! My bottom teeth were all crowded and I had to wear them for a year" (sound familiar?) He continued "I still have a permanent retainer type thing in that keeps them straight". OK- thanks for the heads up Dad. And for the genes. Here is to braces for your kids?!

Camp Momma

This week of summer the kids are not signed up for any camps. I know every mom can relate to the mixed emotions that come from that opening sentence; excitement, joy, anxiety and exhaustion.
Just hanging at home with me, riding bikes, hiking, swimming and enjoying the beauty of summer. I love it, truly. But sometimes it can be a bit daunting. Having 3 bosses that are all under 10 can make you feel quite defeated. We did a lot this week and had a fantastic time. One day there were just too many demands. Lots of "mom, I'm thirsty", "mom, where is my bathing suit", "mom, why is the cat hanging on the curtains?", "mom, i have to go to the bathroom"..."THEN just go!" I replied. Even thought I don't give into every need and question, just hearing it is like nails on a blackboard sometimes.

My father called during his business travels to catch up and see how the kids are. "What are they doing this week?" he asked kindly. "Oh, it's camp mom this week" I said. My very supportive father said "Ah! Thats the best camp! Lucky kids" to which I replied "Oh, its normally pretty fun, but sometimes the councillor gets a bit bitchy!"
His comment was a good reminder that I am doing this for the kids. I am fortunate to be able to spend this time with them.

Here's to lightening up and enjoying the ride. Happy Summer!

Day One

My first post. 

As my intro window says, I was told once that I would write a book on the humor in being uptight, anal, organized, however you want to describe those characteristics of a Virgo with 3 kids and a mission for completion. So here I am.

Each day I write, I hope to communicate a story with some humor and perspective about a moms life of trying to live in her own image of perfection.

My image of perfection changes every day. Every year actually, with every child and every experience. 3 kids later...perfection has new meaning.

Before children, I remember having little tolerance for anything out of place in my home; pens, scissors, papers, it all had to be put away. 

These days my (darling) husband, Skip, will come home and scatter shoes. Ive never met anyone with a better ability to leave shoes all over the house. Wherever he feels he should remove them, off they come. Ive found them in the tv room (of course), in the bathroom, under the table and even in the middle of the floor in a neck-breaking spot for me to trip on, as if he purposely wants me to be in a full leg cast after finding them!

Back pre kids, I had NO tolerance. Now, its better. Still a bit obsessive, but a very softened version. One week my mom came to visit and was trying desperately to help me put things away (guess where i got it from!). She would ask "how about this, where does this go" and id point to the correct drawer or cabinet. "and these" again, id point. "and this"..."oh, mom, don't worry about it, the place looks great and its all going to get torn apart again tomorrow:..."WOW" she replied. "I remember visting you when Maggie had just been born (my first child- now 9) and you were so worried about having everything in its place! You have changed so much". Well, that's what 3 kids will do. Oh, but I sill cant handle the shoes. Want to know a secret? If Skip leaves the shoes out for too long,  I hide them. I am not sure what I am trying to accomplish with that strategy. I guess I am hopeful that after all these years he will all of a sudden wake up and think "Oh! Of course! If i put my shoes away every time I get home I will be able to find them! what didn't I think of that sooner?" HA. Not likely. Or maybe he just wont have any shoes left one day and have to go barefoot to work? But then guess what would happen... "Hey babe? Where the heck are all my shoes? You need to help me find them!". Hmmm. How does that work for me? 

Here's to lightening up.