We had no snow over the holidays here in Boulder, but today made up for it. What a view from my back deck. How did I get so lucky?

The Most Difficult Job There Is

"Being a stay-at-home mom is one of the most difficult and important jobs there is."

It's a true sentence, but how many people really believe that?

I am not sure I relate to the phrase *stay-at-home-mom*.
There is not much staying-at-home involved. Most of the time we are taxi drivers, errand runners, delivery people, schedule coordinators, activity transporters, cleaners and Sherpas.
Stay-at-home...lets re-title that for this blog entry. I like Domestic Engineer, but I will simplify it to Full Time Mom.

"Being a full time mom is the most difficult and important jobs there is."

Cliche, but true.
We (Full Time Moms) should know it, but every so often its important to be reminded. To be given reassurance. To be commended. There are no tangible trophies, no cash bonuses, no paid company vacations, and no promotions. Mothering is not conducive to fun cocktail conversation offering bragging rights about the cool thing that happened at our job that day, and, ironically, when you brag about your children and family it seems so pompous.

So our job review and advancement occurs when our children look at us and get it. When they show love, when they act with respect, when they hug for no reason and forgive a mean friend. When they hold a door open and walk the dog without being asked. When they share with us their pains and glories. When they come home and talk about stresses they are trying to understand.
Our bonus comes when someone tells us that being a mom is "the most important job there is" and really means it.

I was at a Holiday party last month and saw an acquaintance. She has one very young (3 years old) child and one school-aged. We asked the typical holiday-party questions, "How is your break?" "What are you doing with the kids for New Years to celebrate?" etc.

Then...she asked me "What are you doing with your time these days?"

My response...brace yourself..."I am still a stay-at-home mom."

Her response…brace yourself… "But your kids are in school all day!"

Pause, breathe, and answer with sincerity I thought to myself.

I began to answer, “It is still a lot to handle without help…” She interrupted me to say, “How long are they gone… isn’t it all day?”

I felt as though I was failing a math exam. She was calculating the time I spent on chores and subtracting it from my day without the children. Her thoughts were almost audible, an hour for laundry, an hour for groceries…where does the time go?

I became defensive…NOT a good cocktail party response.
I could feel the blood rush to my face, not out of embarrassment (well, maybe a little) but out of sheer frustration with her question.

I thought, how could she not get it? She is one of us…a Full Time Mom.

Wait...that’s right...she still has a little one at home all day, so she is struggling to qualify my job as a stay-at-home-mom with THREE children that are in school.

I took it upon myself to help her understand.
I began walking her through my days.

“Normally by the time I clean up breakfast and start the dishwasher, the dogs need their walk. If I have the time, I do a workout for myself. I come back to load some laundry, I answer emails and calls for a while, ranging from room-parent issues to scheduling for the kids to friends asking how I am, then I start to straighten up. After getting slightly sucked into a few projects such as the closet that has been holding 20 years of junk, I head to the office to pay bills, call the cable company because of the bad reception, fix the light bulb that is out and fight for a cheaper car insurance. Back to switch the laundry again, then out to the grocery store and any errands I have (normally a list for the kids a mile long). I get home in time to walk the dogs once more, feed the cats, empty that dishwasher from the morning, start thinking about dinner, research bullying on the Internet to help my child through a school issue, figure out why the cat threw up on the carpet and head to the bus stop.”

Her eyes glazed over with a coating similar to one on top of the best doughnut I've eaten. Was she getting it or just too kind to tell me how bored I've made her?

We smiled and ended the conversation amicably (although she didn’t come back to chat more).

Many people, even women with young kids, have trouble understanding how someone could be completely fulfilled by JUST being a mother.

There are books written about depression that can be caused by the monotony of all the daily things Full Time Mothers do, but there are few books written on the pleasure it brings.

One of my dearest friends had us over for dinner and said, looking me straight in the eye, “But what are you doing for YOU?”

Can’t she see that this IS for me?

I could start to second-guess the validity of complete gratification I receive from being a Full Time Mom because of societies expectation to have us do more.

Before I was a mother I worked 60-hour weeks for over 10 years as a VP of Sales to an entrepreneurial manufacturing company. I travelled, attended trade shows all over the country and in Europe and was rarely home.

I worked through my first child’s baby years and until I was pregnant with the twins. I loved it.

Now I love this.

Until last year, I was on the board of my children’s school for 3 years, chairing it one year.

This is my first year without any other major commitment other than my home and family.

Does having something else on the side make being a Full Time Mom more valid?

Let me go on record saying that one does not need to be a Full Time Mom to be a good mom. Actually, some of the best mothers I know hold full times jobs. Some do it because they have to and some do it because they want to. Working makes them better mothers. I am in awe, but not envious. I wouldn’t trade that for anything in the world (except maybe 2 weeks paid vacation and a holiday bonus).

Right now I have the opportunity to focus on my children and my home.

It may not always be like this. I may want something different one day. I may need to go back to work for financial or emotional reasons, but right now this is who and what I am.

Although I have moments when being a Full Time Mom seems like too much… and too little at the same time, I still feel fortunate.

Fortunate to be involved in what happens in their classroom.

Fortunate to there for every report, play and presentation.

Fortunate to have created a loving home for them, offering stability and security in their lives.

I feel lucky to have bragging rights about my life as a mother.

A Full Time Mother.

"Being a Full Time Mom is the most difficult and important jobs there is."

And sometimes I can even have time to sneak in some writing!

Laundry is calling. GTG!

PS: Praise to Full Time Dad's too!

The lesson for this post is to BREATHE.

This to shall end and things will not remain this intense all the time.

I woke one morning to a very sick guinea pig. The poor thing looked like it had been through the washing machine spin cycle; hair matted up, eyes wet and puffy, moving slowly. I told the kids that that Guinea-Gin (that was the name that stuck for this poor animal) was sick. My oldest asked why I wasn't taking it to the vet.

So let me rewind life about 2 years to explain that one.

We have a rabbit that is in a hutch out back. He is a cute, little, brown rabbit. A kind of wild-looking rabbit, like the ones you would see living outside in your garden in the spring. My husband built the hutch and, as far as hutches go, its like a upscale condo with multiple rooms. One day I was packing up to go to the mountains for the weekend with the kids and I went outside to load up our rabbit, "Whiskers" with food and water. Whiskers looked at me and stood up on its hind legs. As it did, one front leg was there and the other was GONE! A bone stuck out where the little rabbits foot should have been. I screamed and instinctively took him to the vet, where they treated Whiskers for 48 hours, cleaned him up and performed surgery. They saved him! That little rabbit made it through. When I brought him home days later and shared this story with the family, my kids thought I was a hero, and my husband thought I was an idiot. "How much did that cost, babe?" he asked. I was afraid to answer. It was getting close to my birthday, so I said "It'll be my birthday gift! A healthy rabbit!" $800 later I swore to Skip I would never take a rodent or small animal like that to the vet again.

Well, it was Guinea's turn and unfortunately for Guinea-Gin, I kept my word to Skip.

I was nursing this little Guinea with an eye dropper, trying to get him to take food. I was in my nightgown, getting the kids ready for school. As they left I held him, wondering how long he would last like this. As I was getting ready to wash him in the laundry room sink (he had gotten pretty smelly), the doorbell rang. It was the landscapers coming to turn off our water for fall. I still wasn't dressed.

"Come on in" I said, in my nightgown, holding a dying guinea... in a washcloth. I let them into the basement where they proceed to work on the sprinklers.
I finally found a moment to run up and change, and I hear my husband scream "BABE! There is a flood! What are you doing!?" I composed myself as best as I could (still not dressed), put on a robe and ran back downstairs to see water all over the kitchen, bathroom and laundry room floor. It was leaking down into the basement. Oh yeah, I was planning to wash Guinea and I left the laundry sink filling. Well, there you have it. It was quite a morning in the Miller house. I called my friend Jen to share my story and started laughing so hard I was crying.

"Are you laughing or crying?" she asked, sincerely.

"I think a little of both"

BREATHE- I thought. Just breathe.

Guinea-Gin finally died the next day, fairly peacefully (and with no vet bill). The kids cried, we had a funeral, the sprinklers are shut down, the water is dried and cleaned up from the "flood", and guess what?

Our three-legged rabbit is still going strong.

Death

The friend that was so sick has died. This morning, actually. I will miss her terribly, as will so many. A wonderful woman in so many ways. Today is a sad day.

Her best friend sent an email today announcing her passing. Its ended with something Marsha would say..."Cancer Smancher, let's dance and decorate". A life cupcake for sure.

Dogs and Decades

Like so many couples, my husband, Skip, and I adopted a Golden Retriever puppy before we had any children. Before marriage. Before we knew what responsibility really meant. Boomer was our first baby, and like all new babies, quickly became one of the most important things in our lives. Skip flies model airplanes in a big way (more on that later). Boomer loved to watch Skip fly his planes at the soccer field, barking and circling on the ground, tracking the plane until Skip would land, at which time Boomer (all 100 lbs of him) would come barrelling up to the fragile plane... about to grab it and bring it back to us like a tennis ball. Skip would yell "OFF" and Boomer eventually learned to halt before biting the fuselage. If Skip ever lost site of his plane in the air, he knew all he had to do was look at Boomer to get an idea of where it was. It ended up being the method we used for exercising Boomer. I would say to Skip, "can you go fly the dog?"

Eventually Boomer's eyes started to fail, his muscles began to hurt and he grew older. The chasing of the planes stopped.

Boomer lived for 14 years and we finally had to put him down last winter. He came into our lives pre-children. He left our lives a decade and a half later. When I held him as the vet put him to sleep, it was as if I was watching a video of the last 15 years of my life. Memories flooded my head...marriage, the birth of all three of our children, building our house, potty training, starting school, changing careers, travel, surgeries, illnesses, new friends, old friends, family. Boomer was there through so much, and then he was gone.

7 moths later, we brought home a new Golden puppy and named him BEAU. He is the new photo album with lots of unfilled pages, unwritten memories of the many years of life ahead.

Our children, now 6, 6 and 10, will have this new dog there through another decade of changes. Growing up to adults, changing schools, jobs, girlfriends and boyfriends, tears and laughter.

How many of these incredibly memorable dogs do we get to have in our lifetime? 2? 3? It gives me a sense of life's rapid pace.

Our daughter Grace comes home from school everyday and screams "Beau! Oh Beau, how Ive missed you today", wrapping her arms around his head and holding him on the floor. What a wonderful thing...for both the dog and the child.

Illness

I just found out that a friend is dying.

She has accepted Hospice into her home to help her with the transition.

About 12 years ago she developed breast cancer. I remember so well what she called "the fight of her life".

She had been working with us and left the company to manage her health. She reported back to us about her time in the hospital, her chemotherapy experiences, her surgeries and her new found outlook on life. She told me about a book called "Home Safe Home" that talks about the toxins in almost everything we use. She told me about her newly shaped body and how it felt after a double mastectomy. She would giggle and say her figure after reconstruction was better than it was before the surgery.

She has always had an incredibly positive outlook on everything, and is one of those people that sparkles as she walks through a room. Her glow and laugh is infectious.

After her recovery from breast cancer, she went on to continue to raise her two teenaged sons, and started a non profit that has now grown into a significant change agent and resource in our community. She never stopped, never looked back and continued to help others after she had helped herself through that illness.

The cancer came back. She has been fighting again for about a year. During the most recent fight, she received a community award for her past and continued participating in so many community organizations. She stood up and gave a speech like no other, beautifully poised, well spoken and dressed in her typical ultra-classy style. She shined... all 80 pounds of her frail, struggling body just glowed.

Our world is a better place because she is in it, and it will be a lesser place when she is gone. I will miss her. I will try to remember to think the way she thinks, to make positive change whenever possible and to smile through adversity. What a legacy.

Bites

From Boulder, we drove up highway 77 through Nebraska, passing fields of corn like we had never seen. Living in Colorado we thought we live

d in the middle of farmlands, horses, corn fields, peach stands, farms with squash and pumpkins as far as the eye can see...but Nebraska wins the prize for most acreage without trees, lots of sun, and a lot...A LOT of corn.

It's amazing that this expansive lake (100 miles of shoreline!) with white sand exists in the middle of Nebraska. We turned a corner in our 36 foot RV and caught our first glimpse of the beautiful body of water. It was so hot that we imagined we could hear the lake yelling "come in Millers! It will feel so good to swim".

Found a wonderful campsite in the state park campgrounds, right next to the water. Skip hadn't even parked the RV before the kids were getting suits, towels and bug catchers.

After 2 days, 3 frogs, 7 card games, 1 boat rental, 15 different bugs in the bug catchers, 2 fabulous dinners cooked on the grill, a few short bike rides a lots of swimming, we went to bed feeling pretty relaxed and happy. Then, the

y came. And they came in spades. I could hear one of them buzzing over my ear at about 1am ... mosquitoes. The love me, hate my husband. We had been bitten a little throughout the last 2 days, being near water, but nothing outrageous.

I swatted at the one buzzing in my ear. Then I felt the itching over my eye. Maybe 20 minutes of swatting and itching in the dark, half asleep, i realized i couldn't open my eye. I went to the bathroom to see what was happening to my face. The light was left on in the bathroom for the kids as a pseudo night-light, so i could easily find my way in there. As I closed the door and looked in

the mirror, i viewed the damage that had been done. My eye had been bitten, maybe 3 times, and was swollen closed.

Cursing the mosquitoes, I caught a glimpse of lots of movement from the shower stall. As I opened the door to see what was in there, I saw a commune of them. They had built apartments, garages, even a city hall. There were probably 60 (no joke) all hovering in the shower to find the light. I took our swatter and stared hitting them. I knew it was kill or be killed. They was no way they would get out of the RV, so if i didn't get them i was a goner.

i swatted and swatted until it was mosquito carnage. I stood in that bathroom for probably 35 minutes. My 10 year old came in at one point and asked "mom...what is that smacking noise?" "go to bed honey. I'm just killing mosquitoes". She didn't even blink. turned around and went back to bed like it was just another typical night. I was in the heat of battle! There were about 20 left. I waited, hiding, until they thought I was gone...then they would start to move and...SWAT! Waited longer, SWAT. I literally waited, until they were all dead.

I came back to bed and did the classic, "Skip, you up?" no response. "Skip...You AWAKE babe?"

no response. "BABE. I was totally attacked by mosquitoes and we need to leave tomorrow! Can we talk?" I retold the story of the mo

squito battle, down to every last detail, including even the story of the little baby-sized bugs that thought they could get away. "Babe, so can we leave tomorrow?" he said "Lets talk about it in the morning" "But BABE! I am one-eyed and itchy and its just gunna get worse!" ...silence. I waited for some comforting words form my husband that would reassure me that they wouldn't be there in the morning, that we would leave, that somehow it would all be OK. Was he asleep again? Then, I hear something...its him! Here it comes! "Babe" he says "yes?" "Do you know where the IZZY sodas are?" WHAAAT? I thought...Is he kidding? WHO can think of a soda at 2am with mosquitos loose all over the RV!?

Well, we left first thing in the morning. I was a happy, itchy person headed to the cooler tempatures of South Dakota, where there are NO mosquitoes.