Friends

We all want friends, we all need friends. Friends offer a shoulder to cry on, a smile that lights our day, a laugh to share or a battle to conclude. Friends offer perspective, balance and sometimes, realism. One of my daughters (who is still under 10) is going through what most women remember as friendship growing pains. Trying to figure out who is right, who is wrong, why we like someone and not others and why the ones we like may not like us. Girls can be tough, and I remember it with pain.
We had a Halloween party for our children last weekend, including their friends and parents. It turned out to be a blast, that is until "the girl" walked in. A "friend" (if that's what you would call it) of my daughters she was hoping would come. She came 2 hours late. She missed trick or treating (and we had mistakenly waited for her). She came with 2 friends of her own. She walked in like she owned the place, gave my daughter a once over and proceeded to walk right past her and headed outside. I couldn't believe it! As a 41 year old adult woman, I was offended, trying only to imagine how a little girl would feel as the recipient of that kind of glare and nasty energy. Luckily, what I am learning is that my daughter is stronger than me and smarter than me. Oh, she definitely was appalled at the look she got, but brushed it off and played with her friends that had been there all night.
I was bothered on so many levels, bothered by the little girl's behavior, bothered by the fact that the parents (whom we know, well!) would allow this little 10 year old to be so rude, but my daughter knows why. She knows that its the other girls issue, not hers. She knows that no matter what she does, this girl wont change. So my daughter smiles through it (and sometimes cries through it), but with a sense of solid, inner strength.
As I dropped her off at school this morning, the other girl walked in with her mother. It took my all to not scream "you are so rude!". As I felt the bubbling volcano of anger start to erupt inside, I looked at my daughter who was smiling and putting her backpack away. She was happy. She was innocent. She didn't care, so why should I. We move along each day thinking we are teaching our children, but if we look carefully we will see that many times, it is our children that are teaching us.