Friends

We all want friends, we all need friends. Friends offer a shoulder to cry on, a smile that lights our day, a laugh to share or a battle to conclude. Friends offer perspective, balance and sometimes, realism. One of my daughters (who is still under 10) is going through what most women remember as friendship growing pains. Trying to figure out who is right, who is wrong, why we like someone and not others and why the ones we like may not like us. Girls can be tough, and I remember it with pain.
We had a Halloween party for our children last weekend, including their friends and parents. It turned out to be a blast, that is until "the girl" walked in. A "friend" (if that's what you would call it) of my daughters she was hoping would come. She came 2 hours late. She missed trick or treating (and we had mistakenly waited for her). She came with 2 friends of her own. She walked in like she owned the place, gave my daughter a once over and proceeded to walk right past her and headed outside. I couldn't believe it! As a 41 year old adult woman, I was offended, trying only to imagine how a little girl would feel as the recipient of that kind of glare and nasty energy. Luckily, what I am learning is that my daughter is stronger than me and smarter than me. Oh, she definitely was appalled at the look she got, but brushed it off and played with her friends that had been there all night.
I was bothered on so many levels, bothered by the little girl's behavior, bothered by the fact that the parents (whom we know, well!) would allow this little 10 year old to be so rude, but my daughter knows why. She knows that its the other girls issue, not hers. She knows that no matter what she does, this girl wont change. So my daughter smiles through it (and sometimes cries through it), but with a sense of solid, inner strength.
As I dropped her off at school this morning, the other girl walked in with her mother. It took my all to not scream "you are so rude!". As I felt the bubbling volcano of anger start to erupt inside, I looked at my daughter who was smiling and putting her backpack away. She was happy. She was innocent. She didn't care, so why should I. We move along each day thinking we are teaching our children, but if we look carefully we will see that many times, it is our children that are teaching us.

Fever- H1N1

Its been a while since i have written...

I am back on it, but tonight i have just one entry. it isnt very humorous either (sorry).

Heath Care: as a momma of 3 young ones, i went into the urgent care today with my oldest (9)and my assumption was she has the flu. it was interesting to listen to the doctor tell me his advice

"does she have H1N1" i asked, fearful?

"Probably" he replied.
"what?!" I was so afraid, with all I have read and heard about the dreaded Swine Flu

"but its just the flu." he went on

" the way it gets out of hand is when it isnt diagnosed, isnt watched, the patient is pushed to go about living their lives without rest and it turns into pneumonia"

"well that wont happen because i would see if she got really sick" i answered

"exactly" my doctor said. "its not you or your daughter i am worried about. its the patients that dont have the time, or support, to worry about their heath care that are at risk of serious ramifications from H1N1"

I left there feeling really good about the care i give to maggie as a mom, and really badly about the care so many are missing. about those moms and dads that are gone all day, because they dont have a choice. they work all day to come home to yet another flu. "just let them sleep" they must think. i would think that too. If i was tired, at the end of a long day, wanted to come home and be with my family, i would hope rest would cure my child, but it’s not that easy, and the change can happen quickly in kids.
I was told that maggie is at risk for getting pnemoinia. I came home and fed her, took her temp, gave her a bath and put her to bed. and at bedtime, the fever rose again. Pneumonia? Could it be? But I am completely attentive and involved! I have good heath insurance! How could this happen to me? Makes me realize how critical BASIC heath care is for ALL American families. Or we have no chance.

So for those of you out there that DO work full time, that DONT have a health care plan that makes it simple to go see a doctor for that flu, please hear this. First, we are fighting for you. We want to help make it easier by rallying our local government support team and by voting for ways to promote universal heath care. Second: Take a piece of paper and make notes: notate when the fever started, how high it gets and for how long, and pay attention to your health and your children’s health. The flu can be just that, THE FLU, but it can also turn deadly if it isn’t watched. its like anything else in life: Ignore it, and it probably wont go away, it will probably only get bigger.

Be careful & stay healthy

Braces

My 6 year old twins went to their summer camp today with their best buddy, Ben Centeno. This leaves me and my 9 year old daughter alone for the day...what a treat! Other than our first orthodontics appointment, I had a fun morning all ORGANIZED (what a surprise). Our dog, Ginger, even woke with a very severe ear pain, but we seemed to fit that into our morning too. First, off to the vet with Ginger. She was anesthetized, got the pricker out of her ear, Maggie cried, we moved on. Out in 30 minutes. Then off to get our nails done for the first time in quite a while! Then a quick lunch, groceries, 2 other stops and off to the Orthodontist. The entire morning was filled with "OK, will I have to get braces?" "Maggie, we wont know a thing until we get there. This is just a preliminary meeting". "OK. but will it hurt?". "Maggie, IF you need braces, it wont hurt" "OK, but is it like a cavity?" No response from mom. "Do I get to pick colors?" No response from mom "Is it quick or long?" no response from mom "Is it like a tapping on my tooth or a really heavy pushing?" "SWEETHEART...i have NO IDEA if you even need braces! Lets just wait and see!" "OK mom".........silence.........."But does it hurt?"

So we arrive in the orthodontist office. Maggie's eyes are HUGE, and even the lady at the front desk says "oh, are you a little nervous sweetheart? no need. nothing will happen today".

We got called into the back and the assistant (a very sweet woman) told us today is just pictures of our teeth and a consultation with the doctor. I asked if I could have my teeth photographed too- as a have a little crowding in the lower front of my mouth. I also thought that would help Maggie to have mommy do it. We both had pictures. The doctor came in and spoke to Maggie first "well, Maggie your bite is beautiful! you really can see how well you brush, Your gums look very healthy" She smiled. "your bite is really well aligned and your teeth are all coming in perfectly. Lets meet again in 1 year". "wait! so i don't need braces" Maggie said. "no, not now" Maggie looked completely let down. Deep inside, i think she really wanted them. "lets look at your moms photos now" said the doctor. "Elise, your bottom teeth are quite crowded and its only going to get worse". You have got to be joking, i thought. "A retainer may take care of 60% of your problem, but you would have to wear it all day and all night, AND, no guarantee it will really resolve your issue. My recommendation is that you need a full set of braces to really correct this bite issue and straighten those bottom teeth so they dont cause any further problems". No way. Is this a joke? I need braces and my kid doesn't? Maggie looked thrilled. "MOM! how cool! You get braces!" ugh.

"Mags, i really don't know if i will get them. I am an adult and its awkward for an adult to wear braces". that began the lecture. I opened myself up for it. "Mom! How could you tell me that braces would be fine and not to worry, but when YOU need them its awkward? uncomfortable? c'mon mom, that's just not fair". She was right. Again, corrected by a 9 year old. So, mom is getting braces and Maggie isn't. 

It gets better. When my dad called this morning, I told him the ironic twist to the braces expedition. He said "I had to have braces when I was 40 too! My bottom teeth were all crowded and I had to wear them for a year" (sound familiar?) He continued "I still have a permanent retainer type thing in that keeps them straight". OK- thanks for the heads up Dad. And for the genes. Here is to braces for your kids?!

Camp Momma

This week of summer the kids are not signed up for any camps. I know every mom can relate to the mixed emotions that come from that opening sentence; excitement, joy, anxiety and exhaustion.
Just hanging at home with me, riding bikes, hiking, swimming and enjoying the beauty of summer. I love it, truly. But sometimes it can be a bit daunting. Having 3 bosses that are all under 10 can make you feel quite defeated. We did a lot this week and had a fantastic time. One day there were just too many demands. Lots of "mom, I'm thirsty", "mom, where is my bathing suit", "mom, why is the cat hanging on the curtains?", "mom, i have to go to the bathroom"..."THEN just go!" I replied. Even thought I don't give into every need and question, just hearing it is like nails on a blackboard sometimes.

My father called during his business travels to catch up and see how the kids are. "What are they doing this week?" he asked kindly. "Oh, it's camp mom this week" I said. My very supportive father said "Ah! Thats the best camp! Lucky kids" to which I replied "Oh, its normally pretty fun, but sometimes the councillor gets a bit bitchy!"
His comment was a good reminder that I am doing this for the kids. I am fortunate to be able to spend this time with them.

Here's to lightening up and enjoying the ride. Happy Summer!

Day One

My first post. 

As my intro window says, I was told once that I would write a book on the humor in being uptight, anal, organized, however you want to describe those characteristics of a Virgo with 3 kids and a mission for completion. So here I am.

Each day I write, I hope to communicate a story with some humor and perspective about a moms life of trying to live in her own image of perfection.

My image of perfection changes every day. Every year actually, with every child and every experience. 3 kids later...perfection has new meaning.

Before children, I remember having little tolerance for anything out of place in my home; pens, scissors, papers, it all had to be put away. 

These days my (darling) husband, Skip, will come home and scatter shoes. Ive never met anyone with a better ability to leave shoes all over the house. Wherever he feels he should remove them, off they come. Ive found them in the tv room (of course), in the bathroom, under the table and even in the middle of the floor in a neck-breaking spot for me to trip on, as if he purposely wants me to be in a full leg cast after finding them!

Back pre kids, I had NO tolerance. Now, its better. Still a bit obsessive, but a very softened version. One week my mom came to visit and was trying desperately to help me put things away (guess where i got it from!). She would ask "how about this, where does this go" and id point to the correct drawer or cabinet. "and these" again, id point. "and this"..."oh, mom, don't worry about it, the place looks great and its all going to get torn apart again tomorrow:..."WOW" she replied. "I remember visting you when Maggie had just been born (my first child- now 9) and you were so worried about having everything in its place! You have changed so much". Well, that's what 3 kids will do. Oh, but I sill cant handle the shoes. Want to know a secret? If Skip leaves the shoes out for too long,  I hide them. I am not sure what I am trying to accomplish with that strategy. I guess I am hopeful that after all these years he will all of a sudden wake up and think "Oh! Of course! If i put my shoes away every time I get home I will be able to find them! what didn't I think of that sooner?" HA. Not likely. Or maybe he just wont have any shoes left one day and have to go barefoot to work? But then guess what would happen... "Hey babe? Where the heck are all my shoes? You need to help me find them!". Hmmm. How does that work for me? 

Here's to lightening up.