The Beach Boys and Social Media

My husband and I went to the Beach Boys concert at Red Rocks. We marinated in history, irony and incredibly good musical talents. As I listened to songs like "Be True To Your School" and "Little Surfer Girl", I couldn't help but reflect on the innocence of that era. Having a crush, "dating" in the true sense of the word, meeting the parents of your soon-to-be wife or husband....it all happened in such a traditional way. Growing up in small towns, trusting your neighbors, having a close group of friends at school. Bullying back then meant a punch in the face or a bad rumor, it didn't include nasty Facebook messages and posts on Instagram that are written for all the world to see. It didn't include photos that show the follower what parties she is missing, or the trip he was excluded from.
Times have changed dramatically, and as parents, we have to change with them to help our children navigate through a life riddled with social media.
The advice I give myself to tackle this challenge:
1) Open up dialog with your child. However that looks in your family, any dialog is good dialog. Get them to share their feelings, circumstances and experiences. Listening is so valuable, and can not inly help you understand what they are going through, but can help your child feel they have a safe place to go.
2) Slow down. Don't judge, or jump to conclusions. I always do this and have to bite my lip. I immediately assume I know how something went down, whose fault it is and, biggest mistake, how to fix it! STOP- take time to listen. Take time to let the situation calm down before making decisions about how to proceed with helping your kids.
3) Make sure your child understands social media. Here is what I mean by this; kids are all different. Some mature faster than others. Social media is a very powerful tool, and just like driving a car, there should be lessons on using it.
Obvious guidelines may not obvious to teens:
*What you post will be there for all to see, and for a very long time. Posts can be used against you, they can be dangerous and hurtful. Posts should only be written if you would feel comfortable showing your grandmother. I love that rule!
*What you SEE isn't always the truth (and actually rarely is!). To look over someone's social media pages and think their life is perfect and yours isn't is ridiculous. Many pre-teens and teens fall into this trap (and adults too!). Always remember that most people (not all, but most) post only perfect images that show images of perfection, but they, too, have their own demons. Social media does not represent real life. It can be very scary for young people to see this and compare their life to the apparent lives of their peers.
*Think about others when you post. Think about how your post may make others feel- is it inclusive or exclusive? Are you sharing something that may hurt someones feelings? It can be very valuable to put yourself in others shoes.

I am still working on navigating this, bother personally and with my children. I enjoy the memory of the Beach Boy's era, but also know our era can be equally special if managed properly.